I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
