I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
