She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
