I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
