So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
