i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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