I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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