Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
