i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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