I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
