sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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