i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
