Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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