if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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