You're my little dorito
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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