I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
