If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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