Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
