Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
