even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
