I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
