Having a random hookup so left but love u
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
