drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
