she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
