I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You left your phone here
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