I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
