There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am naked and annoyed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
