Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
