Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
