I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
