What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
