It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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