her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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