So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
