hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
