The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
