so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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