Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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