We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
