I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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