If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
