Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I want her autograph on my taint
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
