:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
