I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
