drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
