At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
