I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
