I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
smell my finger.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
