i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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