Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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