my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
